Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Patience is a virtue

What is the #1 problem with drivers in the state of Colorado? No one has any patience. The wife and I drive from our home on the far north side of town to work on the south side of down every day of the work week. And every single day I see at least two people who feel the need... the need for speed. You know the types I'm talking about.

First you have drivers who must swerve over into the shoulder in order to see around you, thinking there must be something other than the normal throngs of traffic -- likely you -- causing their debilitating rate of speed. By doing this, not one or twice, but seventeen times over the course of three minutes, they someone satiate their compulsive curiosity.

Then you have the morons who think I-25 is a NASCAR super speedway, where racing three wide is not only acceptable, but encouraged. These folks are "awesome." They'll jockey for position in order to get one whole car length ahead of you, cutting off drivers in multiple lanes of traffic with reckless abandon to do so. And the greatest thing about these living breathing reasons for condoms? Nearly every time the Karmic gods of Traffic are looking down and smite them with Driving Miss Daisy; stuck behind the slowest vehicle on the freeway due to their own incompetent driving skills. The rage they fly into is priceless, and can easily be inflamed by driving by them -- in the very same spot you were in prior to their Evil Knievel performance -- and waving to them with a big ole smile on your face. There's no need to flip them the bird because they know they're morons, and they know you know they're morons. The infernal rage that wells up on their face is nothing short of pure bliss.

Then you have the oblivious people who didn't get the memo about it being illegal to remain in the left lane unless you're passing. We ran into of these "I forgot to wake up this morning" drivers yesterday. Apparently the 80 million year old man and his equally aged wife felt it was their God given right to be in that left lane, despite the fact that eleventy hundred cars kept passing them, their occupants honking and waving at them. Nothing was budging the man from his lane.

And I don't have to mention the dill holes who drive while 1) talking on the phone, 2) think it's cute to have their damn mutt sitting in their laps while tooling down the road, 3) read the newspaper, 4) eat breakfast, 5) shave, 6) pick their nose thinking no one can see them through the TRANSPARENT GLASS IN THEIR CAR, or one of a hundred different things.

Laws must become more strict. Driving is a privilege, not a right. Just because you suck in precious air from the planet (in many cases air that should go to someone with far more value to the future of humanity) doesn't mean you have the mental ability to drive a vehicle. Based on what I've seen here... I have to wonder if some of these people can even tie their own shoes.

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