Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Braking Up Is Hard To Do

Neil Sedaka turned that song into a hit way back in 1962. Well, he spelled it "breaking." I spell it "braking" for a whole other reason.

A few weeks back we took our Jeep Liberty into a Just Brakes (located at 676 South 8th Street, Colorado Springs) thinking we were likely to pay the $100 service (new pads and machined rotors) that they lure you into their dark, lying maw... er, I mean their stores with.

Silly us.

By the time we left we needed a new hydraulic system, new calipers, pads and rotors... for a grand total of $600.

The other day we took our Jeep to one of the local dealers (name withheld pending future testimonial requirements because I plan on taking Just Brakes to court where it will become Just Eli's Brakes) for some routine preventive maintenance. I mentioned that the vehicle wasn't driving right and that we had taken the beast to JB. The service manager smirked and proceeded to tell us that in the last week he's heard 3 different - yet similar - horror stories regarding this "fine establishment."

So I had the dealership check everything that Just Brakes said they fixed - which was all conveniently listed on the invoice still inside the car. Oh checked they did... and what they found was nothing short of criminal.

The only things new on the car were the pads. At least the rotors had been machined. Everything else JB listed - and charged us for - wasn't even touched. Furthermore, a brake seal on one of the front wheels was leaking "badly" and needed to be replaced (by the dealership).

In the coming weeks I will update you on my crusade to right this most egregious wrong. Along the way you might even read about it in one (or more) of the local newspapers, or maybe see of it on the local television news stations.

The Holy Roman Church had their Crusades... I've got my Just Brakes. And this time, breaking someone up is going to be fun to do.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hark the Hearald Writer's Strike

We watch us some television. There's nothing like plopping down in front of the ole boob tube and shutting off the brain every now and again.

Well, this year's regularly scheduled television viewing season is coming to and end... right about now. Unless you've been living in a cave (or saving a tree, fighting evil whalers, eating Tofurky, buying a new pair of Birkenstocks, or letting your hair grow long enough to put into a ponytail) you know the writer's down in Hollyweird went on strike a few weeks back. Something about not getting paid enough for their efforts.

Now they're looking for other work. In a recent Variety article written by Marc Graser, writer's are apparently heading to the Webinet, comic books, and the booming video game markets to supplement their income until such time as the Big Wig Studio Heads (some of whom must be related to the gimps and leaders of our Little Village here in Colorado) come to their senses.

While I sympathize with my fellow scribes of the written word, we're walking up a very slippery slope. A slope that I've only recently come to see, thanks to the many drunken debates with my brother and friend(s). I see where the writer's want their piece of the pie. I'd want it, along with my cake, too. Why should actors get payment each and every time their mug is shown, but the truly creative people who wrote the lines for those actors to speak - don't? I get it.

But here's the thing... at what point do you stop dolling out residuals? Does a home builder get payment every time the house he built gets sold? Does a master brewer get a cut of every pint of beer sold? Does the painter get his due each time her framed masterpiece is auctioned off?

What should be doesn't always happen. I mean, how can greedy, corrupt "professional" politicians make more money than teachers? Life isn't fair and the world isn't meant to be easy. So stop your bitching, put down your picket signs. What you do for a living requires zero physical effort. I know, I too am a writer. Mentally demanding? Sure, to some degree. But your place of work consists of an air conditioned room and a comfy leather chair sucking down $4 cups of 'Bucks like water. You could look and be the size of Jabba the fucking Hutt, and hunt-n-peck on your word processor until your fingers turn blue... no one would be the wiser. What you're NOT doing is digging ditches in the South 40, or serving some snot nosed fuck wearing a Rolex who leaves you a 10 cent tip at the local diner... or any one of the innumerable other Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe shows us every week.

Get over it. Cuz if I miss my Battlestar Galactica... someone is gonna pay alright.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

More Political CorrectnASS

It's bad enough that over the last few years "people" (and I use that term very loosely when talking about these schmucks) who are offended by the sun rising in the morning have done their damnedest to take Christ out of "Christmas" in this country. God forbid that we actually continue to celebrate Christmas in this country like we have for decades. We don't want to offend those who have moved to this THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (legally or illegally) - the spineless jellyfish that they are.

But it's not just morons in this country. I rambled about the "Pussification of America" the other day. Turns out that it's actually the entire global community of humanity that is quickly devolving into a life form devoid of a spine.

Check out this recent effort to further dehumanize us - this time be an Australian temp agency who hires people to play Santa Claus during the HOLIDAYS (not winter festivals, CHRISTMAS - which celebrates the Birth of Jesus Christ). Australia, a beautiful country with beautiful people, a cool accent and some really good beer... but a country that began as a prison colony. That wasn't setting them up for failure from the get go, huh?

This temp agency (Westaff) wants to ban their Santa's from bellowing "Ho Ho Ho." Why? Because it might scare kids. So are we breeding the next generation of spineless freaks that will be afraid of their own shadows now? Our world is doomed.

According to Westaff national operations manager Glen Jansz: "The reason behind that is we find that in some cases the little kids can get a little bit scared of the deep 'ho, ho, hos' and we ask them to be mindful of keeping their voices to a lower level," he said.

Glen is probably a "man" (and I use that term very loosely) who is the exact opposite of my main man Ted Nugent - meaning "Super la Femme." Glen... get a $#@ing clue. Thankfully not everyone over there has been bitched slapped too many times by a kangaroo. Family Council of Victoria spokesman Bill Muehlenberg described the ban as "nonsensical." Bravo Bill!


More from the Kangaroo Playground:

Staff members of the Aussie airline QANTAS were booed by passengers at Brisbane Airport after leaving their check-in counters to help an 80-year-old woman who collapsed and died in one of the long terminal lines.

Wow... nice. Is that what they used to do back in the day when your country was a prison?

Glad to see that Americans aren't the only cold, callous, bitches the world seems to think we are.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Ted Nugent = Real American

From one Mad Man to another... kudos! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Pussification of America

My buddy Steven, who is now a resident of the Mile High State, and I were discussing some disturbing things flashing across the Webinet:

Girl, 13, gets detention for hugging two friends

The crux of the issue? A 13 year old eighth-grade girl served two periods of detention for hugging her friends goodbye for the weekend. According to school officials she violated a policy banning public displays of affection. Here's a portion of that policy:
Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.

Poor judgment? Discredits the school? Are you #@!* kidding me? Who came up with that garbage? So hugging people is now considered poor judgment? And how the hell does it discredit the school?

Here's that same School Policy translated through my patented Real World Bull Shit Detector:

We are so spineless and so afraid that we will offend someone, or that some sue happy scum bag parent will take us to court that we must ban anything that might offend anyone, anywhere at anytime. Always. Forever. Banned. You. Stop. Breathing. It might upset someone.

This is not unlike taking the Pledge of Allegiance and Praying out of AMERICAN schools. Two things integral to THIS country. You know, just take it out - to vanialize everyone in our so called "Melting Pot" so we don't piss off anyone. Hey, I know... why don't we just rename this country from THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA to "The Melting Pot of the World." So no one has an ethnic identity anymore. Or an opinion. Oh, and while we're at it... why don't we just do away with schools altogether. Everyone seems to know everything and they're just turning into breeding grounds for lawsuits (who then feed the bottom dwelling scum of the earth lawyers). Hell, most Americans are content to sit on their lazy fat asses watching TV 24/7 anyway. We get all the "edumacation" we need from TV. The current Hollywood writer's strike is sure to doom us all.

And thus the Pussification of America steam rolls on, and our slide towards the abyss continues unabated.

Alas, that isn't the only inane thing going on. Check out this little bit of jovial java news...

Ladies First? A Field Study of Discrimination in Coffee Shops

(insert hearty laugh of disgust)

Ya, that's exactly what I did too. Feel free to skim (badabing) over this so called "research" as your sucking down your morning "Cup o' Joe." If you don't feel like doing so (and I don't blame you for not wanting to waste your time with this inane drivel) let me boil (badabing!) it down for you: Men get their coffee all of 20 whole seconds faster than women.


So the #@!* what? That's supposed to prove something? Especially something as important as discrimination? Twenty meaningless seconds is now the mark by which discrimination can be determined, huh?

Oh, but it gets better. Believe it or not this woman's (gee, imagine that) paper (as it appears to be a student paper for an Economics class in Vermont) also provides "evidence" showing blacks wait longer than whites, young folks wait longer than the old (as well they should), and the Ugly Ben and Betty's of the world wait longer than the gorgeous. Here's the kicker: the results were just as statistically ridiculous.

People really think this stuff up, act on it and worse - believe in it. Thankfully, I'm not the only one who believes this great country is filled with spineless, Politically Correct (to the point where they're too afraid to actually live their life with MEANING), selfish, overweight, lazy, "I deserve to have a life spoon fed to me," mindless sheep. Check this out in response to the whole coffee BS.

Yes, the Pussification of America continues folks.

And yes... the Mad Man is back.

* Thanks for the heads up on these stories, Steven!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

But where's the Mad Man?

Ya ya... I'm still alive. Been in a bit of a non-writing funk of late, but I'm still around. I'll get back into the swing of things shortly though.