Friday, May 25, 2007

Pee & Poo

So this is what its come down to, huh? Is this really what we want to give our kids as toys?

And no, those are not Hershey Chocolate Kisses... they are exactly what you think they are. But there's more... there's a whole line of pee and poo products.

I mean, how did this idea even get off the drawing board? You would think at some point during the process from conception to production that SOMEONE would have stood up and said, "Guys, turning human waste byproducts into cute lil marketing gimmicks isn't such a good idea."

Those are toy recreations of human urine and feces in that plastic box folks. PEE & POO!


I guess you could give this to someone and say, "Have a Shitty Day" with a smile on your face. Right?

* (thanks for passing this along to me Steve-o!)

The Price of Gas & Illegals

A couple of interesting factoids to mull over while sucking down your morning cup o' joe or satiating that late night insomnia induced hunger...

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap, it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19... $9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39... $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99... $84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49... $21.19 per gallon!

$21.19 for WATER, and the buyers don't even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink.

Someone calculated the cost of the ink at... $5,200 a gallon!!!!

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid... Printer Ink!!!

(*thanks for passing this along to me dad!)


Date: Fri, 18 May 2007 06:01:26 -0400

From the HAYS (KS) DAILY NEWS by R. W. Yeager Norton, Ks.

We need to show more sympathy for these people. They travel miles in the heat, they risk their lives crossing a border, they don't get paid enough wages, they do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do, they live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language, they rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day every day.

I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans; I'm talking about our troops. Doesn't it seem strange that the Democrats are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegal's, but don't support our troops and are now threatening to defund them?

* (thanks for passing this along Larry)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A Giant Catastrophe!

A few rants to read while ya suck down your morning java...

Dateline - Denver, CO - A Coors train tanker full of Rocky Mountain goodness derailed yesterday, spilling all of its golden delicious contents. Alas poor beer, we never knew ye or were allowed your frosty hoppiness to touch our lips. You will be mourned.

Dateline - New York, NY - Jason Giambi deflected the steroid fueled witch hunt of Barry Bonds briefly when he admitted to taking performance enhancing horse drugs (aka steroids). He did come to Barry's defense in a round about why whey he said: "I'm probably tested more than anybody else. I'm not hiding anything. That stuff didn't help me hit home runs. I don't care what people say, nothing is going to give you that gift of hitting a baseball. I was wrong for doing that stuff. What we should have done a long time ago was stand up players, ownership, everybody and said: 'We made a mistake.'"


Barry might be a "giant" ass of a human being, but he's still the greatest ball player to ever live. The Best. Ever. Anyone who thinks otherwise is 1) not a true fan of the game of baseball, and 2) has no F'ing clue what they're talking about (and I'll be more than happy to get into a very long debate with anyone, anywhere, at anytime about this... just be ready to be besieged with facts).

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Snow?! In late May?! Where's my hummingbird!?

5:55 PM Mountain Daylight Time

Just over two hours from the season finale of Lost, and at the 7,200 foot elevation mark... it's snowing. Heavily. Oh, but there's no global warming.

Jamaica this is not. I want my white beach, reggae, and Red Stripe! NOW!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Movie Theme-a-paloza!

This guy has...

1) Too much time on his hands.

2) A real talent for lyrical musings.

3) A fondness for movie themes.

4) All of the Above.

Whatever... they're HILARIOUS!

For even more of these theme parodies, go here.

Friday, May 18, 2007


Alrighty all you Lost fans...

I posted this stuff over on Andy Wineke's (Springs Gazette TV writer) SpringsTV Talk blog (scroll down to the entry titled "Lost Recap"), but I rambled on SO much about this week's episode ("Greatest Hits") that I thought I'd post 'em here for YOU all to comment on. Plus they never seem to get any feedback, so....

Here's what Andy said:

There are rules on this here island:

1.Ben is lying.
2. Sayid is always right.
3. Don't mess with the Honolulu police.
4. Your father? He sucks.

and, for God's sake Charlie,



And here's what I went off with...

Interesting episode. Didn't really get moving until the last 2 seconds, but... here are some thoughts:

The flashback scene of Charlie playing guitar was close to the Desmond time-travel episode. After checking Lost Easter Eggs though, it's not exactly the same. SO... did something happen to change that event, or was it a different one? It was SO close as to be too much of a coincidence. Adding to your list of "rules" - there are NO coincidences! ;)

The gal that Charlie saved from the mugger (who likely has a connection somehow because they partially obscured his face) was none other then Syiad's "girlfriend" who we've seen a few times in his flashbacks.

Is Alex (Ben's "daughter") finally catching on that he ISN'T her REAL dad? As far as we know she was taken from Russo when she first crashed on the island, presuming that she had her BEFORE she came to the island. Another lie by Ben.

Who are the two similarly clad (uniforms?) women pointing rifles at Charlie? I'm thinking original Dharma folk. If what Juliette said was true (that no one she knew has ever been down there because of an "incident") then this must be yet another lie by Ben. Or are they Ben's "ace in the hole" so to speak?

Really good setup for the finale.


Next week's episode is called "Through the Looking Glass." The new underwater hatch is called the Looking Glass. The insignia for it is a rabbit. The sequel to Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland (AiW) is, "Through the Looking Glass, and what Alice Found There" (TtLG). Boiled down, that book was about "many mirror themes, including opposites, time running backwards, and so on." Sound familiar?

AiW had a deck of cards as the theme, TtLG had a chess theme. A chess game would be a good way to describe Lost.

OBVIOUSLY there is a strong allegorical connection to these books. In fact:

* Locke mentions AiW when speaking to Jack in the 5th episode of season 1 (written as 1.5) about the symbolic "white rabbit" (referring to his father's elusive image). It's also the title of the episode. ("White Rabbit") The number 15 is one of the Lost numbers.

* The number 42 was used in numerous books by Carroll and is believed to hold special meaning for him. It's also one of THE numbers.

Nothing is a coincidence. There are no thrown in dialog or scenes. EVERY SINGLE THING connects somehow. Always. I mean... when the writers put a bumper sticker on Charlie's guitar that reads "I was here a moment ago" (in reference to the time travel flashbacks), come on... these guys don't miss ANYTHING. Ever.

The people who say these guy's can't write are so full !*@& as to be laughable. These are the same people who likely have a problem writting their name, and wouldn't know a story if it walked up and cracked them in the skull. Idiots.

BTW... upon more research, the Mystery Mugger looks A LOT like Charlie's band mate Roderick (he was the one wearing a similar hat, sitting in front of the bus when their song came on the radio in "Greatest Hits").


Here's a thought, after looking at the stills from Lost Easter Eggs again:

The two gals we see in the Looking Glass are similarly clad as I mentioned. The blonde, the one holding the pistol on Charlie, APPEARS to be younger than the brunette (who is holding a rifle). In fact... it could be POSSIBLE that the blonde is the daughter and the brunette is the mother.

Could this be Young Ben's lost love and their child? It would explain why Ben lied about the "incident" at the Looking Glass and why he doesn't want anyone to go out there.



I KNOW there are Lost fans in the house, so bring it on!! ;)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Jamaica Me More Crazy!

Reality hit Fran and I square between the eyes this week, and I've been in what can only be described as some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post Latitudinal Relaxation Depression Disorder, maybe? Whatever... it's official: reality sucks. Jamaica does not. Jimmy Buffett had it right. Pitch it all, hop a boat and sail around the Carribean. During our vacation we partook in the catamaran cruise (a.k.a. the "Booze Cruise") and it dawned on me: "This is the life!" I mean... just look at that sunset?!

If Jimmy B can do it, so can I. Do ya think the Tax Man would have a problem writing off a catamaran as a "commute vehicle"?

OK, back to the story... Fran hung the phone up at 12:30 AM. The alarm was set to go off at 2:30 AM. With hackles still raised we tried to get some shuteye before the inevitable wail. Which worked out about as well as the war in Iraq. We were like two kids on Christmas Eve.

Wearily we made our way to the airport, and proceeded to check in our bags at the United (the airline that American bumped us over to) ticket counter. Not that simple. The ticket dude, who was as tired as us apparently, punched in our info and came back with, "Will you be paying for these with cash or credit card?" Dumbfounded, we fumbled through sleep deprivation to explain what happened, all the while trying to keep the rage bottled up. Turns out we had to get tickets from United, then haul ass back over to the American counter to get some other piece of dead tree for confirmation.

Getting the hell outta Dodge (in this case the United States of Incompetence) was looking better and better by the minute. Thankfully, the flight to Jamaica (by way of a layover/connection in Charlotte, North Carolina - were I bizarrely came up with an idea for a post-apocalyptic story) was smooth, albeit most of it was spent sleeping. Upon landing in Montego Bay, we hit the ground running.

I had been to Jamaica a few times back in 2001. Back then the Montego Bay airport resembled a bomb shelter more than an international hub for air transportation. I remember walking into the bathroom and being offered beer, rum and ganja. What a difference 6 years makes! After getting our bags (we thought one was missing for about 10 minutes) and trudging through customs we finally made it to the Couples Welcome Office. In an instant, as McCartney and Lennon once wrote... "all my (our) troubles seemed so far away."

That's it for now... keep your web browser locked to the Mad Man for more arresting episodes of the never-ending Jamaica Me Crazy saga!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Superhero TV Geek Alert!

This just off the E! Entertainment News wire:

In announcing its new fall schedule Monday in New York, the Peacock's biggest surprise was the unveiling of a hitherto top-secret spinoff of the network's lone rookie hit from this season. Heroes: Origins will focus on previously unseen folks whose lives are transformed when they discover they have incredible abilities.

In an American Idol-esque twist, viewers will get a chance to pick their favorite new superhero during the spinoff's six-episode run, with the character tallying the most votes moving up to the big leagues, becoming a full-time cast member on Heroes during the 2008-09 season.

Adding the new series will allow NBC extend the reach of the Heroes brand to a combined 30 episodes, with the new show running during Heroes ' long hiatus. The series took a ratings hit after returning from a seven-week absence this season.

NBC is sticking with the superhero/sci-fi theme with an updated take on the 1970s cyborg hit Bionic Woman. From a producer of the Sci Fi Channel's much lauded Battlestar Galactica, the new series stars British actress Michelle Ryan in the role originated by Lindsay Wagner in the 1976-78 ABC series (itself a spinoff of The Six Million Dollar Man).

Can't say I'm too thrilled with NBC milking their new cash cow till the udder falls off, but I'm not surprised. Hey, at least we won't have to wait 9 months to get our Heroes fix, eh? And the Bionic Woman?! Sweet! 'Specially with one of the BSG producers on board - should be good stuff!

Beer is Good!

The new "official" song of the Mad (Beer) Man Blog was found by accident. I was actually trying to find the Beer Song sung by Psychostick which plays on our local rock radio station. In looking for that song I stumbled across a plethora of other interesting beer songs put to some form of "machinima."

Beer and video games... like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for geeks.

The first video is the Psychostick song put to The Sims. The second is the Charlie Mop's Beer Song within The Bard's Tale game world, and the last one is the Psychostick song within World of Warcraft.


Aaaaaah yes... beer IS good.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

To Mom...

What our MOTHERS taught us:

1. My mother taught me to apprecaite a job well done.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me religion.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about time travel.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me logic.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me irony.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about contortionism.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!?"

10. My mother taught me about stamina.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about weather.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times......don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the circle of life.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about behavior modification.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about envy.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about receiving.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me medical science.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me humor.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me how to become an adult.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me genetics.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my roots.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me wisdom.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And finally: My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Whether you agree or not, your mother is/was the most important woman in your life. Aside from giving you life, everything she taught you enabled you to survive childhood and is partially responsible for you being how you are today.

Thank you, mothers everywhere...


* (this is not original, my friend Larry passed this along, so it's making the Internet rounds but thought it was appropriate!)

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The Beer Song!

The following just became this blog's official song. What you are about to see and hear is sheer genius. Some dedicated beer drinking, video game playing fool (know anyone like that?) combined the marvelous song stylings of Weird Al Yankovic with a World of Warcraft machinima movie. In the words of the Guinness guys... BRILLIANT!


Friday, May 11, 2007

Take me out to the ballgame...

Fran and I are making our annual trip up to Coors Field to (hopefully) watch our San Francisco Giants win one against the Colorado Rockies tomorrow. They lost last night. For whatever reason the Rockies seem to have the Giants' number more often then not. We try to attend at least one game a year, and it really will be just one game this time around as the other two road trips the Giants make out here occur during the week.

We have a routine. We get up there around 2pm (the game starts at 6:05PM) and hit two of our most favorite bars - Falling Rock Taphouse and the Breckenridge Brewery. Falling Rock has an insane number of great beer's on tap, plus ratebeer just ranked it (#20 out of 100) as one of the best beer bars IN THE WORLD. And of course Breckenridge has a plethora of yummy beers (Hefe Proper, Oatmeal Stout, oh and SummerBright is pretty tasty on a hot summer day) all its own.

Since I'm talking about beer (and it's making me might thirsty - Thank God It's Friday!)... I found it ironic that the Rockies announced today they've banned draft beer from both the visitor and home dugouts. Here's a stupid question: why in tarnation is beer available inside ANY clubhouse in the first place? An athlete + alcohol usually doesn't equate to a high degree of performance. Hell, get a beer or two in me and I have a problem hitting the urinal cake in the toilet!

Time to relight the odd beer facts and quotes section... here we go!

Odd Beer Fact (story) of the Day: As I've mentioned before, Saint Arnold is the Patron Saint of Brewers, and is legitimately recognized as such by the Catholic Church. I even have a shirt from Saint Arnold Brewing Company down in Texas (thanks to my buddy Steven) saying so. Anywho... here's the story of how ole Arnold (also of Austria) got to be "the man." (thanks to the Beer Church for the info)

Saint Arnold was born to a prominent Austrian family in the year 580. Even back in those days the Austrians were famous for their love of beer, and admired for their brewing prowess. Beer was a proud Austrian tradition that was not wasted on young Arnold.

As a young man, Arnold entered the priesthood and began moving his way up that earliest of all career ladders. At the age of 32, he was given the title Bishop, and in 612 was named "Arnold, Bishop of Metz." (Metz is in France.)

He is said to have spent his life warning peasants about the health hazards of drinking water. Water was not necessarily safe to drink during the dark ages, especially around towns and villages. Nasty stuff. Arnold always had the well-being of his followers close at heart.

Beer, on the other hand, was quite safe. Arnold frequently pointed this out to his congregation. He is credited with having once said, "From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world." It goes without saying that the people loved and revered Arnold.

In 627, Saint Arnold retired to a monastery near Remiremont, France, where he died and was buried in 640.

In 641, the citizens of Metz requested that Saint Arnold's body be exhumed and carried from the monastery to the town of Metz for reburial in their local church - The church where Arnold had so frequently preached the virtues of beer. Their request was granted.

It was a long and thirsty journey, especially since they were carrying a dead bishop. As the ceremonial procession passed through the town of Champignuelles, the tired processionals stopped for a rest and went into a tavern for a drink of their favorite beverage - Beer. Much to their dismay, they were informed that there was only one mug of beer left, and that they would have to share it. That mug never ran dry and the thirsty crowd was satisfied.

Every Saint needs a miracle. That's how the Church decides you are a Saint. The story of the miracle mug of beer spread and eventually Arnold was canonized by the Catholic Church for it.

Huh... how about that?

Beer Quote of the Day:
"From man's sweat and God's love... beer came into the world. " - St. Arnold


Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tour de Fat!

Yo... New Belgium! What's up with your whacked "Ballyhoo of Bikes and Beer" circuit!? You're going all the way out to Truckee, California (which I've been to many a time during my 22 years living in Northern California) but you're not coming down to Colorado Springs?! Us Springers have to come up to you, eh?


Because after seeing this video, who wouldn't want to go?!

Now that is PHAT!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Jamaica Me Crazy!

Ire. A Jamaican word that means good, happy, okay.

And that's what you magically become the minute you step foot onto this island nation of reggae, rum, and Red Stripe.

But before we get all good and happy, let's backtrack to the night before Fran and I were to leave. Back in the still snowy climes of Southern Colorado, all snug in our beds. It's 11:30 PM. The shrill sound of the phone ringing pierces the silence. Fran fumbles for the handset in her sleepy coma.

"Hi, this is American Airlines. Your flight that was due to take off in 6 1/2 hours has just been canceled. "

How's that for a wake up call?! As the glorious idea of our long awaited vacation begins to crumble, Fran becomes increasingly more irritated because the American Airlines costumer service agent isn't being very helpful in explaining exactly why the flight was canceled, or in helping us find an alternate route to our rum soaked destination.

"Well, we can get you on a flight that leaves at 7am to Miami, with a five hour layover, but you won't get into Montego Bay until 8pm. Or we can get you on a later flight, but sadly you won't get to your destination until the following day."

Several layers of hell instantly froze over. A five hour layover in Miami was about as appealing as walking barefoot across a bed of broken glass. Or watching an episode of Dancing with the Stars. And getting in a day late and missing a day of all inclusive vacation time? Uh, not gonna happen.

Fran made it abundantly clear just how unacceptable those options were and that she needed to find us another flight on another airline. The American Airlines agent hotly refused saying she wasn't able to search other airlines because it wasn't their policy. Needless to say Fran was peeved! And rightfully so. Instead of acting like a professional, courteous, costumer service rep, the persona non grata on the other end of the line actually said something to the effect of (and I'm paraphrasing): "If you don't calm down I'm going to end this conversation."

And that's how American Airlines became Shayotovich Airlines. ;) Come fly our friendly skies were we serve you more than one teeny tiny hermetically sealed bag of something resembling pretzels and a thimble full of your not-so-favorite beverage of limited choice.

Have you noticed how airlines are increasingly treating its passengers like livestock? Seriously though I am writing one of my patented "You just pissed off the wrong person" letters so I expect next year's vacation airfare will - at the very least - be taken care.

But I digress. Back to our story...

Fran rhetorically repeated the line back to her in utter amazement. Since I was nearby I heard what she said and immediately told Fran to ask for a Supervisor. Long story short: the Supervisor "somehow" managed to not only get us another flight (on another airline) that got us there an hour earlier then we were originally supposed to, but we got bumped up to first class. "Not your policy," huh?

And that's how our vacation started.

Tune in next time when you'll hear the mating call of the not-so-rare male Jamaican Rum Runner ("Aaaaayeyeyeyeye!") and a Scottish Highlander's phone etiquette ("I've lost the will to live."). Until then... keep the Red Stripes chilled and the reggae loud. I'm.... OUT!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Trunk Monkey!

Grudgingly, we're back from vacation. (sigh)

We had a spectacular time. If you've never been to an all-inclusive resort (all food, alcohol and most activities are already paid for and you don't tip anyone), you're missing out. Let's put it this way... this is our second year of doing an all-inclusive (last year was in Playa del Carmen, Mexico) and Fran not only never wants to go back to Mexico (after the fun we had this year in Jamaica), but will never do anything BUT an all-inclusive vacation ever again. It really is the only way to go.

It's been a slow process adjusting from sitting on the white sand beaches in tropical 85+ degrees to - snow. Again. Thankfully the rest of the week looks to be heading towards 80 degrees.

Working on a few blogs about our adventures (and misadventures), and the incredible folks we met while down in Jamaica. Until then... check out these absolutely hilarious car ads for a new innovation called the Trunk Monkey. Thanks to Mark and Heather for making me aware of these commercials! But after doing some research... there are more!

The first is a compilation of the first 6 commercials, followed by the 2 new ones: