Spelling Bee Drop Out

On our way to work this morning, taking our usual route southbound on I-25 through Colorado Springs, Fran and I noticed that the electronic road signs were proclaiming the following warning to motorists: "Caution: Uneven payment."

Uneven payment, huh?

Wondering what drunken baboon was at the controls of the verbiage on the signs I got to work and immediately Googled the term to make sure I was in fact right about the baboon. I was. There is no such construction term as "uneven payment." It's UNEVEN PAVEMENT you friggin' retarded monkey! And we actually pay these people money?

Or... could this be a message from a disgruntled employee perhaps refering to uneven payments by the city to the construction company? Hmmmm... the saga deepens.

A Sporting Diatribe

Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing pro golfers bitch about how tough it is to play a recreational activity that most normal people do to relax from work? Come on! I've said it before... golf is not a sport. I'm not saying it's not hard, it's just not a sport in any way shape or form. Speaking of shapes: John Daly. When this guy can be called an athlete with a straight face you know things are out of whack. Take a gander at this physical specimen. He drinks, smokes, eats like a glutton, and has a gambling habit. He's an athlete? Not only that, but look at how he's dressed! That is not a uniform people. It's an outfit you can wear into a 5 star restaurant. GOLF IS NOT A SPORT!

Thus, Tiger Woods can kiss my 9 iron when he says how tough it is to play in consecutive weeks. Dude, you're not even carrying your own clubs! You're married to a Swedish bikini model, own your own island and have more money then God. Your "job" is to hit a little ball with a little stick and then leisurely walk to it. You do this over and over until it goes into a little hole. Give me a break. How about you go and dig a ditch with a shovel 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so you can get back in touch with reality. Tough? You don't know tough. You're not an athlete and you don't play a sport.

Next... baseball (actually all of sports in general), and the ever expanding performance enhancement scandal. All you people who have been hypocritically railing Barry Bonds (and I'm calling out more than one - you and you in particular - of the so called "sports columnists" at the Gazette on this one) as the only player partaking of "flaxseed oil" - how's it feel to have a face full of pie? All you morons who thought Barry (who has YET to be factually linked or fail a test) was the only one taking performance enhancing drugs have apparently been living most of your lives with your head buried in the sand. The numbers we've been hearing over the last few years from the likes of Jose Canseco in regards to the number of players taking something is panning out to be true. Hell, I bet it's even higher then that; I bet it's MOST professional athletes in ALL sports.

Look at last year, when Shawne Merri-roid-man (he of the astounding sack and tackle totals) of the San Diego Charges was fully BUSTED for taking steroids. Dude gets a 4 game ban and NO ONE says anything? What happened to the Yankees first basemen Jason Giambi? He admitted to taking them, implicated others, and he vanishes into the background? Now we have Rick Ankiel (seen left) - the feel good story of the year, and Troy Glaus, two of the "cleanest" cut players in baseball factually linked to taking HGH! And why the hell isn't anyone questioning the integrity of Alex Rodriguez (a.k.a. by me as A-Roid)? Dude all but breaks his ankle, has an MRI and then goes out and hits 2 home runs a few hours later? Compare his size when he came into the league to his girth today. He, along with the likes of Miguel Cabrera (of the Florida Marlins) - he of the tripling body mass in a few short years (sound familiar?) - need to be seriously questioned about what kind of supplementation they are on.

Point is... if you're gonna rail Barry, you need to rail all of baseball (and all of sports really, since doping is prevalent in track and field, cycling, football, etc.). You might start with Bud Selig, who knew all of this was going on but turned a blind eye because he needed all those dingers (remember the world famous home run chase between McGwire and Sosa?) to bring baseball back to the masses after the strike. "The Steroid-Era" has been going on since the late 80's people. This is not a new phenomena. And bonds most certainly was not the only one doing it.

You blind-eyed-as-Selig detractors out there realize what steroids do, right? Oh sure, we can look at the professional wrestlers and marvel at their enhanced (through chemistry) physique, but aside from putting on mass, do you know what the REAL benefit is? Fast recovery time. Now, I wonder what type of baseball player would benefit most from a fast recovery time. Hmmm... pitchers maybe? Pitchers, who contort their arm in positions that it was never meant to be in. Hmmm... imagine that.

While we're on the subject of Barry bashing the homer record... here's something I found to be rather interesting. As every knowledgeable baseball fan knows, the right handed batter Hank Aaron (and I'm not taking ANYTHING away from the man as he is one of the best baseball players of all time) started his career in 1954 with the Milwaukee Braves (who played at Milwaukee County Stadium). Did you know that the dimensions at this ballpark changed considerably during his tenure there? In 1954 the left field dimensions (which is where Hammerin' Hank would naturally hit most of his homers because he's was a right handed batter) ranged from 320 at the foul pole to 410 in dead center. In 1960 portions of the left field wall changed (left field went out 9 feet), while left center and dead center moved in by 5 feet and 8 feet respectively. Bonds has also benefited from an era where shrinking ball parks are the norm. All I'm saying is, it started much further back then most realize.

Then there's the topic of the "juiced" ball in the last 20 years. When the likes of NONAME PLAYER hits double digit homers when he never hit more then single digits... come on. Back in January a news report broke (and was basically swept under the rug) that proved the balls used during McGwire and Sosa's home run tear were in fact "juiced."

Now let's talk about Babe Ruth (again, not taking anything away from the man as he too is one of the greatest of all time). But let's put a few things into perspective. Back when he played there were far fewer players in baseball. Meaning, there were FAR fewer pitchers tossing the ball. Not only that, but there was no such thing as middle relievers, lefty one-hitter specialists, or closers. Ruth, who was also a pitcher of great renown during his time, would have seen the same pitchers (who pitched 9 full innings multiple times a week) ALL THE TIME. It is a fact that the more you see the same pitcher (especially one gets tired much quicker by throwing all 9 innings multiple times a week) will be less difficult to hit then seeing the hundreds of pitchers (lefty specialists, middle relievers, etc.) players must face today. Fact.

So basically... all you bigoted, hypocritical Bonds haters - get over yourself. Get over your homeresque emotions and tendencies and consider ALL the facts, not just the ones you want to believe. You're as bad for the game (and all of sports) as Bud Selig.

A Man's Best Friend

I'm a huge fantasy football freak, and in preparing for the multitude of drafts I have coming up this weekend (a number of my team's will be called "Vick's Pets" this year) I stumbled across this blurb over on the Fox Sports site:

Michael Vick (Atl - QB)
An NAACP leader said Vick should be allowed to return to the NFL, preferably the Atlanta Falcons, after serving his sentence for his role in a dogfighting operation.

Impact: White said the Falcons quarterback made a mistake and should be allowed to prove he has learned from that mistake. White said the Atlanta chapter supports Vick's decision to accept a plea bargain if it's in his best interest, but he questioned the credibility of Vick's co-defendants, saying an admission of guilt might be more about cutting losses than the truth.

Um... bullshit. And this is yet another reason why our society is so screwed up. Micheal Vick "made a mistake"? A mistake?!? Are you $!@*ing kidding me? A mistake is, oh... I don't know, not giving the correct change back, or grabbing the wrong tampons for your gal, or fumbling the football on the snap. This worthless scum bag KILLED multiple dogs - man's best friend mind you - by electrocution, strangling and drowning because they didn't "perform" up to the level expected in illegal dog fighting matches! That he gambled on. Across state lines. That's as cold blooded as it gets people! What he did was not - I repeat - NOT a mistake. It was an illegal, heartless, cold blooded, cowardly act that needs to be severally punished.

The ONLY reason he even admitted to any guilt was because his "homies" - his dawgs - rolled over on him and the Feds had overwhelming evidence against him. He lied to his mother, to his friends, to his team, and to the commissioner of the NFL when he denied, denied, denied that he had anything to do with this horrific and despicable act. The sack of flotsam should 1) have done unto him what he did to those dogs (since he too has not "performed" up to the level of a good QB since entering the NFL - because he SUCKS), and 2) be banned from the NFL for life.

Oh ya, the NAACP is teaching some really enlightened morales.

Honor, and not only holding people accountable for their actions but being human enough to accept responsibility for those actions... has long since vanished from the landscape. It's a damn shame. And it's going to be the very thing that dooms us all.

Speaking of Roads...

Let's ponder the genius of the construction company working on the I-25 COSMIX project here in Colorado Springs for a moment. This past Tuesday morning, amidst the very week (the very day for some) school starts back up... the boneheads in charge of the project decide it's a good idea to change the "flow" of southbound I-25 near Fillmore. With a twist.

First off, let me preface this by saying... what exactly are you all working on that has now taken over a month to fix a 2 foot wide strip of concrete running across the entire freeway? What is it that you DIDN'T do right the first time (as this is a new stretch of freeway) that you have to already fix?!?!?

But I digress...

We're all trucking along and - BAM! - brake lights appear, brakes squeal and car rear ends pop up a good quarter to half mile further back then normal. Turns out that the COSMIX Dunderheads changed lanes without bothering to warn anyone. No signs, no indications that anything had been changed. Now, it wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that these changes were obviously created and carried out by people fully engulfed in an LSD acid trip. This was without question the most abstract lane weaving I've ever seen in my life.

I know it's not just me because KILO (the rock station I listen to when I'm not listing to Bob & Tom on KKFM in the mornings) and the police were getting bombarded with phone calls from angry drivers, many of whom were either forced off the road and obliterated the big orange caution barrels or were so confused as to where to go that they ended up driving into a closed off lane which dead-ended in construction. Usually I'd harass the horrific drivers in this great state (more on this - and the FUBARed story in the Springs Gazette earlier this week- later), but not this time. This was square on the shoulders of the COSMIX Nimrods.

Funnier still was the cluster of orange vested COSMIX Ignoramuses standing around on the side of the freeway as cars piled on top of each other in what had to be a Larry, Moe and Curly moment. Shoulders shrugging, looking at each other like deers caught in headlights, all mopping around going, "Wasn't my fault. (Larry pulls Moe's hair) Who did this? (Moe boinks Larry in the eyes with his fingers) I don't know. (Curly smashes Larry's head with a piece of rebar)" Idiots.

Now on to the story from the Gazette I mentioned earlier, one entitled: Howdy, Newbies: Colorado welcomes Texans, Californians - But we're pretty sure we know what you're like.

Oh you do?

I could go on a major tirade about this, but frankly I'm all tiraded out at the moment. Read the article, then read the moronic comments from some of the more addle-brained "natives" of this great state just below the article.

I'm about sick of this whole "Welcome to Colorado, Now go Home" mentality. You know what we're like, eh? So you know we're like... smarter then you, right? THAT'S why you hate out-of-staters. That's fine. I can live with that. So step aside (or pull your car off onto the shoulder since you native Coloradans love to STOP on the ONRAMPS of freeways) so we can pull this state into the 21st Century.

ADDENDUM: Harsh? No more so then the lovely "Now go Home" mentality. My "smarter then you" comment obviously (to most with common sense, but then there seems to be an abject lack of common sense these days) does not pertain to ALL Colorado "natives." Making a blanket statement about any race, creed, job, people, religion, etc. is pure foolishness. And what is the basis for my comment? Unlike some people who never venture much beyond their front porch, I'm from California by way of Indiana and Arizona. I'm also a Plant Manager for an inter-state company. I had to get a satellite production facility off the ground here in the Springs from ground zero. The nincompoops I had to deal with in order to accomplish that task - MOST (not all) of them being Colorado "natives" - has more then once made me question their mental ability to get up in the morning, let alone actually perform their so called job. Thus I coined a phrase: "Coloradans are the nicest people on the planet, but they're as dumb as rocks." Being slandered ("Welcome to Colorado, Now go Home") doesn't feel too good... does it?

A New Road

Just stumbled across what could be a very good miniseries. Tin Man, A SciFi Original set to debut in December, is the re-imagining - a modern, updated retelling if you will - of the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz.

Before you scream in horror at the audacity of someone to attempt such a thing, let alone the SciFi Channel (which usually fills the airwaves with complete and utter crap)... take a look at this teaser.



Now go here, and take a look at a much longer clip. And yes, that is Richard Dreyfuss as the Wizard. I gotta say... it looks spectacular!

This brings up an interesting question though: should such a historical epic such as "The O.Z." be allowed to be "re-imagined" at all? What do you think?