Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Ramblings of a Mad Man Reboot

So you’re probably thinking to yourself… Self, Eli hasn’t updated his Ramblings in like, a year! And you’d be right, he hasn’t. That’s because he’s busy… busy being an alcoholic, er, I mean, a Beer Columnist, blogger, Web Tv host/producer/whatever. In all seriousness, I don’t think the guy could become an alcoholic even if he wanted too. I’ve seen him max out a breathalyzer and still be halfway functional, whereas mere mortals such as you or myself with the same BAC would look something like this...

Exactly… I hate him too.

So now you’re probably thinking… Self, who’s this guy? Why is he here?

The Name is Steven Brown, AKA Oh Ye of Common Name. I really got boned on the original name front, there's probably fewer people named Joe Smith out there. I was gonna change my name once, but Optimus Megatron Superfly Spartan Manpower Sex Machine Mclovin Prime wouldn’t fit in the space provided. So I bugged outta there. I’m an all or nothin’ kinda guy. I sometimes go by the moniker Stevie Chips, cause my Father’s mother’s maiden name was Chips and it sounds kinda mafia-ish… or not. Well to me at least it does, and my self delusions are all that really matter.

So why am I here? Good question! I was sitting in my car the other day, eating my lunch, listening to Bubba the Love Sponge on the radio, scraping the last remnants of yogurt out of the cup (because fat people like me eat yogurt in a vain attempt to delude ourselves into thinking we’re eating healthy), when I had an epiphany. It said, “Hey… Eli hasn’t updated his Ramblings in like, a year!” I know, right, thinking the same thing? Pretty cool huh? Whatever…

So I jump on AIM (Cause it’s such a trendy IM program) and chat it up with my old Amigo of 20+ years and say “Dude! Since you’ve pretty much abandoned Ramblings, mind if I sub-lease?” And he said, “Fuck off, I’m drinking.” And I said “You’re always drinking. I think you have a problem.” And he said “It’s my job bitch!” So I said, “Ok, so can I or what?” and he said “Watch where you’re driving asshole!” and I said, “What?” and he said “Some dick just cut me off!” and I said “So you’re drinking, driver and texting me what you’re yelling at someone else?” And he said “what?” and I said “Huh?” and he said “What?” and I said “ok, so can I?” And he said “What?” and I said “Sub lease Ramblings” and he said “Sure, I guess.”

And here I am!

Ok, so he didn’t REALLY say all that, but it’s more exciting than the truth. I asked, he said ok, and here I am. See? Boring!

So what am I going to do here? Well, it’s called Ramblings and right now I’m rambling, right? So maybe later I’ll do a movie review, or a beer review? Or a Beer and Movie Review… I’ll call it a Brewvie! What? Eli already does those on Confessions? Damn, ok maybe I’ll just review local Breweries of my area, the San Francisco Bay Area, or just restaurants in general when I go, or just rambling musings like this, or perhaps rant about some shit that irks me (like a LOT of things!) , or other some such nonsense. We’ll see what happens as it happens. I needed an outlet for an over active ADD brain and this is it.

So does anyone still come here? Eli said Ramblings was actually getting a lot of traffic of late and my request to take the reins and drive a bit couldn't have been better timing. Let me know if you're out there, or if you’re even still reading this, cause truthfully I already tuned out about 3-4 paragraphs ago and I’m typing on autopilot.

And fear not, Old Eli will probably stick his neck in here once in a while to make sure I'm not burning the place down or anything, and maybe drop a "Hey now" post while he's here.

So maybe later if'n I figure it out, Imma gonna try to attach this thing to my Facebook page (cause all trendy Bloggers do that right?). But be warned, if you want to friend me, better send a comment saying you’re a Ramblings fan cause I’m a dick and I don’t accept unknown/unsolicited friend requests. Also if you’re just looking for some schmuck to fertilize your garden in Farmville or buy some shit bling bling in Yoville or adopt some cute virtual baby tiger cub from your Zoo, well then you’re shit out luck. I have all garbage hidden. I can’t see them, so fuck off Farmville. Water your own damn garden.

Til next time, if there is one, Stevie Chips out…

1 comment:

Christian said...

LMFAO!! I liked your addition to the Blog Stevie Chips...! Big Fun. -Christian